why you shouldn't desire the
Title of "Other woman"
Among the many women I follow on Twitter, this morning there was a trend of those women discussing their pleasure in laying down with a man they know is in a relationship with another woman. I can’t locate the original tweet that started the conversation, but I know that a “girl code” of sorts was mentioned. I don’t live by a specific code or set of instructions that dictate how I relate to my fellow women. I treat other women with the respect the rest of the world won’t give them, and that is what I want in return. Giving respect includes being aware of established boundaries and not stepping all over them for your own benefit.
In other words: don’t spread your legs for another woman’s man. And don’t ever take pride in that fact if you do.
I read through these tweets, seeing so many women downplay the utter disrespect you have to engage in to fuck a man you know is not single, and a little bit of a bitter taste settled on my tongue. I’ve been young and dumb before, so I understand the urge to put yourself above another. Every move a woman makes is usually a part of her personal quest in becoming a bad bitch. When you’re younger, before you climb out from under the patriarchy, you think that your path to bad bitchery is paved with necessary interactions and exchanges with the opposite sex. Men are held up as the hot ticket item. Exclusive! Limited quantities! Get one while you can! This fabricated urgency to find a man in our early to mid-20s takes us off our natural course and puts us on a path that leads to unnecessary competition between women and sometimes results in self-destruction.
Suddenly, instead of personal achievements like obtaining degrees, starting a business, or traveling abroad catapulting you into that satisfying feeling of bad bitchdom, young women are replacing that with the acquisition of a man.
And I have to scream.
If you desire the companionship of a man and want to build a family and legacy with one, then eventually, your life will lead you down that road. A desire for companionship is normal, for both sexes. To seek that companionship from a man who proves how willing he is to stray from his commitments works against that goal. Unless you are into polygamy and see the value in a relationship that works outside the boundaries of an intimate one-on-one ONLY connection, then trying to achieve a real, lasting relationship with a man already in one is backwards hustling.
In the year 2019, in the 21st century, black women are rising to a level of consciousness that makes them more aware of the ways in which we have been set apart and back from black men and our white counterparts. It benefits us to choose ourselves and each other; come together as a collective and rise above and beyond what the world ever thought we could be. Don’t remove your crown to involve yourself in petty feuds centered around a man who is not worthy. A little tip - any man worth having and dealing with will not ever place you in contention for his attention, effort, and resources. I want us to want more for ourselves than finding temporary joy in being the flavor of the week for a man that requires multiple flavors outside of the one he committed to.
There's more to this life than men.
Black Bradshaw Life-Hack: Be a bad bitch without needing to relate that to anything dealing with the opposite sex.
