a decade of success: my 2010s review
Success: (n.) favorable or desired outcome; also: the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence
My bonus mom is a champion of transparency. She tells me all the time that, as women, we have to tell our stories. Our narratives help to connect us, but they also do something much more important than that; they show us how to win at life. If I have a tale of how I have slain the demons in my life, I have to share that with others to show them that the demons are real, but more importantly, that the demons can be defeated.
In my journey, I've seen, heard, and done a lot of really wild things. And in the spirit of taking care of my soul and thinking about my future, I've also done some really not-so-wild, boring stuff. Those boring things are what helped secure my wins. My successes. And that's what this is all about, right? Like love, success is subjective. It cannot be objectively defined and generally classified as a one size fits all situations.
This decade that we are just a couple of weeks away from walking out of has been ten years of growth, progression, and success. I turned 20 in 2009 (thinking I was grown), and in the last year of this decade, I got my #FlirtyNerdyThirty stamp. For the last few years, I've streamlined my focus for the big picture and the big picture only, so I lost track of a lot of the little details that got me here. This decade in review works as a reminder to self, and hopefully a message to anyone at the bottom, wondering if they will ever see the top.
I think about how I started this decade that we're about to end, and how that girl didn't have the mental capacity to even imagine what my life is today. I was down bad, depressed over a five-year relationship with a man who was my poison and the antidote. I was witnessing my father's severe decline in health. That depression walked me down a very dark road, and I attempted suicide; I thought that this life was one not worth living. Up until then, I had only known pain and misery, and I was ready to be done with that.
I survived my suicide attempt, and I am so grateful that I did. Even though life had punches to throw, I learned something about myself that would make this life worth living. Resilience. Perseverance. Tenacity. They flow through me just as much as the blood, sweat, and tears that make me who I am. I saw the deepest and worst parts of myself that night. Learning about those parts gave me an appreciation for my life, my personality, and my character that I didn't have before.
This decade has been rife with its own sorrows - I lost both my mother and father. Still, it has also been full of indescribable joys and pleasures - I birthed my son and married my soulmate. In those extremes, I find my balance, my middle ground. Right between life and death, is where happiness, success, and inner peace exist for me. Between my highest high and my lowest low, I found the strength to put myself back together after a series of earth-shattering events. I dropped out of college because I was clueless on what to do with my life. Later in the decade, I saw the future in my son's eyes, and it all clicked for me. I went back to school and graduated with honors.
As a child, teenager, and young adult, the only answer I had to the "what do you want to do when you grow up" question is "write." I knew what I was supposed to want based on my high school education and the principles my father drilled into me in my youth, but none of that fit me. The 2010s put me in some rooms and lives that revealed my purpose to me. And that's how I ended up in the nonprofit sector, doing work to help women leave abusive relationships. I'm also carving out my space in this world as a writer and published author, with the debut of my first novel coming on January 1, 2020 (you can find it on Amazon).
My greatest takeaway is that everything has a beginning and an end, the good and the bad. This decade started in the worst possible way, because I didn't understand the value in my life, and it ends with me feeling blessed for it. So keep pushing. My very existence is proof that it gets greater later. I promise.
If it has to end (and it does), let it be glorious.
What does your decade review look like? What are you learning?
