On submission and knowing when to fold
It is not mandatory for you, a Black woman, to submit to a man in a romantic relationship. Full goddamn stop. The Twitter streets have been on fire for the past few days after singer Fantasia went on the Breakfast club and made a statement saying that women should not lead the household, no matter how well they’re doing.
Now, Fantasia got her own bags. She’s an incredibly talented singer and I will always give her that. But for me, that’s where her influence and importance stops. She should not be propping herself up as a guru on relations between husband and wife when prior to the marriage she’s in, she slept with a married man and had his baby. We are all trying to find and figure out what works for us when it comes to dating, long-term relationships, and marriage.
Women of means (read: she got her own) do not need to be told to submit to anything lesser in the name of love. Are we so desperate to slap cheesy photos on Instagram with the Black Love hashtag, that we will settle for something that’s not really for us, just to say we have it? The very definition of submission is an act of submitting to the authority or control of another. When I see that, I have to ask, what for? Who is submission for? Who does it benefit? If you submit, what do YOU get? Happiness? A faithful and affectionate husband who is a stable provider? Speaking from personal experience, you can get all of these things and then some, without ever playing second fiddle or practicing submission.
Your relationship should look more like a partnership than anything else. A continuous give and take from both sides. If you pair off with the man who is your compliment and you’re equally yoked, then neither of you holds all the cards. No one is able to wield authority or control over the other when you’re both evenly matched. Shared goals, beliefs, and commitments are what make a relationship powerful and worthwhile, not submitting your presence to another’s.
If it's your dream to submit to a man, regardless, I’m not talking to you. My voice is for the women who worked overtime to get where they are in life, the ones who did the work to get the degrees, delete debt so they could live a life of financial freedom, and break generational curses so that they don’t pass down the trauma they were unceremoniously gifted with. These are the women who should not settle for whatever is available. If what you want is not being served at the table you’re at, switch tables.
Submission is a lick. And if the man/husband is the hitter, what does that make you? Don’t be fooled, Sis.
